


No Excuses

by AllTimePhan73



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Suicide, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 20:06:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15032210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: "I- I- He- He loves me.""If he did this... it isn't love.”TW: Emotional/physical abuse, major character death (not a good character though), suicide and violence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is really heavy in terms of abuse so please don’t read this if that is a trigger to you. Also, Anti’s mindset is incorrect. His relationship with Dark is not good and, to reference the title of the book, there is No Excuses for how he acted, okay?

“Leave Anti alone.” Marvin said with every intention of making his voice as threatening as possible. It was odd to see him so furious as he was a very level-headed guy, only getting angry at things that were serious. If Marvin was annoyed, chances were there was a valid reason.

“Why?” Dark replied. His aura was dancing around him, as if to show off the fact that he was probably a hundred times stronger than all of Jack’s egos... combined. “You don’t control him.”

“You don’t either!” White fire was forming around Marvin’s hands as he clenched them into tight fists. JJ noticed and tapped his shoulder, a sign to _take a step back and think_.

“Okay then, Anti?” The demon that had stayed silent throughout the entire interaction looked up as he heard his name. “Who are you going to listen to?” Anti looked at Marvin who was practically begging him with the look in his eyes. He shuffled over to Dark and took his hand rather stiffly. Dark’s smirk was full of clear evil as he dragged his boyfriend out of the room.

-

“Dark, please-“ Anti muttered, his black eyes wide. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as desperation flooded through him.

“They hate you, remember? They’d prefer to never see you again. You annoying, attention-seeking-“ Dark murmured, nothing but venom in his voice.

“Stop!”

“Dramatic, stupid-“

“Dark!”

“Selfish-“ Dark was cut off as Anti dived forward and pushed his boyfriend against the wall. Anti’s pale white fists were tightly gripping the collar of Dark’s shirt but Dark just appeared amused. “What are you going to do? _Hit me_? Won’t that make you just as bad as me?”

Anti’s grip loosened. His eyes dropped to the floor. He admitted defeat.

Dark chuckled, “I thought so.”

-

“I don’t want to...” Anti mumbled, gaze everywhere but his boyfriend and his latest victim. The victim was a girl, no older than eighteen years old. She was beautiful with light blonde hair that cascaded past her shoulders and blue eyes that once held so much happiness. Now she was rendered nothing but ugly. Her clothes were torn, she had blood running down her face and her once mesmerising eyes had become nothing but wide and terror-filled.

“Go on. You need to prove to me that you’re not weak!” Dark practically yelled, holding out his knife for Anti to take. He refused. “Pathetic. Can’t even-“

“Fine!” Anti grabbed the knife and pressed it into the victim’s neck. She screamed a harrowingly high-pitched scream. He drove the blade into her throat and just hoped the death would help him become a bit more numb. The scream fizzled into nothing.

“She had a family, Anti. They’ll miss her and it’s all your fault. She was so young... a mother may now need to bury her own baby...”

“Shut up.” Anti’s face glitched with irritation.

“Imagine the grief.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Anti’s scream glitched furiously as he pushed Dark up against the brick wall. Anti had the upper hand with the knife so he could do it. _Kill his boyfriend and free himself_. The knife pressed into the manipulator’s neck but Dark wasn’t afraid. He knew Anti didn’t have the guts.

“Let go of- Anti?” A voice yelled. Anti turned his head to the side to see Jackieboy Man. He was posed in his usual stance: the stereotypical hand on hips, hair and cape flowing in the light breeze. Even in the dim alley he looked like some sort of angel sent from heaven to rid the world of all evil. Even if it meant hurting someone he loved.

“He thinks you’re a monster.” Dark whispered, aggravating Anti further. Each word was fuel, adding to the already roaring fire inside of Anti’s chest. The blaze was almost uncontrollable and Anti was extremely close to doing something he’d probably regret in the future. He hated that Dark was so charming and good at manipulation so he longed to see him in the same vulnerable position of the girl- throat slit as he bled to death.

“Put the knife down. We can talk about this.” The fear was evident in the hero’s voice which just made it all the more worse. Anti’s hand was violently trembling around the handle of the knife but he didn’t seem to plan on _murdering_ Dark. _Was he really that weak?_

“Pathetic, , useless, cowardly-“ Anti cried out as Jackieboy Man flew forward and thrust a fist towards Anti’s face. Out of shock, Anti dropped the knife and it clattered to the ground. The sound echoed around the dark alleyway. Anti didn’t even attempt to fight back; he just collapsed to the ground and cried. _Like the weak excuse of a demon he really was_.

“He just attacked me...” Dark muttered with fake disbelief. Despite the hatred Jackieboy man had towards the demon, he offered comfort in the form of a hand on the shoulder.

“Anti, get up. We need to talk.”


	2. Chapter 2

Anti was staring into space, his folded arms leant on his lap and his head on Dark’s shoulder. Jackieboy Man had made him a cup of tea but it was just sat on the table, steam rising into the air and disappearing.

“What the hell happened? You almost killed Dark! As much as I and the other egos hate him, murder is never the answer.” The frustration was evident in the way Jackieboy Man was trying to tower over the trembling demon and his furrowed eyebrows. Usually they’d be hidden underneath his mask but that had been torn off a while ago since his identity was known to those in the room. Anti remained completely silent so Dark shuffled to the right, letting Anti fall (since he was leaning on him).

Anti huffed and sat up properly. “It doesn’t matter.” He mumbled, refusing to meet either of the pairs of eyes interrogating him.

“My life doesn’t matter to you?” Dark’s voice was no longer its usual monotone; it was almost... hurt; Anti knew better than to trust his sudden display of emotion.

“My life doesn’t matter to you anymore either. I- I hate you! I wish we had never met!” Anti wasn’t entirely sure when he had started yelling but the next thing he knew, he was screaming and violently glitching. Jackieboy Man’s hands shaped into fists in preparation for violence that could have come at any second.

“You don’t mean-“

“I’m breaking up with you. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Anti,” At the almost threatening tone, Anti looked up into his eyes. They were a fire-y red colour, connoting fury and it terrified Anti. Anti was aware of how his boyfriend could get when he was angry and he really didn’t want to frustrate Dark because of that. “Jackie, can you leave? This is something we should discuss alone.” Jackieboy Man’s mouth opened for a second before snapping shut as he left.

“You’re such a little shit. You don’t leave me. _I_ leave _you_. You need me.”

“I’m sorry.” Anti squeaked, his powerful demeanour vanishing as he was pushed against the wall. His eyes were scrunched shut as he awaited Dark’s next move.

“You should be, You can’t live without me, right?”

“R-Right.” Anti cried out as Dark’s fist came in contact with his chest.

-

Dark opened the front door to reveal Jackieboy Man. He was dressed in casual clothes so was almost unrecognisable. It wasn’t often people saw him dressed so normally because he, quote, “needed to be ready to fight crime at any moment!”. “I just wanted to check on you.” He said with an innocent smile. Anti, who was standing next to Dark, looked at the hero with pleading eyes. “How are... things?”

“Pretty good. Anti and I have made up, haven’t we?” Dark nudged Anti’s chest with his elbow, making him wince. Jackieboy Man didn’t notice the wince because his eyes were focused on Dark’s blank face.

“Y-Yeah.”

“You should go though. We were just about to eat.”

“Okay but if you need-“ Jackieboy Man was cut off as the door slammed in his face.

-

Marvin glanced at his watch to find that it was... one in the morning. _Why was someone knocking on the door so late?_ They were extremely consistent too, continuously knocking until Marvin slowly opened the door a small amount. He was a bit cautious because of the dodgy time but as soon as he saw who it was, he opened up the door the full way. Anti was standing there, in a short-sleeved shirt, shivering and crying. One of his black eyes was surrounded in purple and his cheek had a deep cut running across it.

“Anti?” Marvin questioned, rubbing his tired eyes. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was hallucinating or if his old demon friend was actually standing on his doorstep.

“Schneep..?”

“He went away for a bit. Are you-“

“Jackie...” Anti croaked before his knees gave out and he came tumbling towards Marvin. Luckily the magician reacted quickly enough to catch him. He helped Anti inside before commanding he sat on the sofa whilst he got Jackieboy Man (and a blanket).  
Anti was staring into space when Marvin wrapped him up in a fluffy blanket. “You wanted to talk to me?” Jackieboy Man asked in a quiet voice. The demon nodded slowly. “What happened?”

“Dark,” Even Anti’s teeth were chattering. “Hurt... wanted to make sure nothing was broken...”

“Did you..?” Jackieboy Man couldn’t get out the next few words but luckily Anti was on the same page. He shook his head.

“I- I- He- He loves me.”

“If he did this... it isn’t love.” Anti winced as Marvin’s finger traced his wound. His finger glowed and numbed the pain ever-so-slightly. Anti’s body shook and more tears streamed down his cheeks. 

“It is. I just... I’m a terrible person. I- I deserve this.”

“No,” Jackieboy Man wrapped an arm around Anti’s hunched shoulders. “No one deserves this. I should give Dark a piece of my mind.”

“Please don’t,” Anti looked at Jackieboy Man with the widest, most fear-filled eyes. He looked petrified. “It will just make things worse.”  
Jackieboy Man sighed, obviously wanting to argue. “Fine but we need to get you to bed.”


	3. Chapter 3

When Anti woke up, he was thoroughly confused. He winced at the pain and glanced around the room, taking a moment to realise it was his old room from back at Jack's ego's house. Nothing had changed, apart from a thin layer of dust covering everything.

Numbness enveloped his body as he got onto his feet. He noticed his phone on the side and turned it on. The screen was smashed but the masses of messages were still very much readable.

_Dark: Anti, where are you?_

_Dark: Your phone's gone so I assume it's still working_

_Dark: Come home now_

_Dark: I'm sorry_

_Dark: I didn't mean to hurt you_

_Dark: I don't want to lose you..._

_Dark: Please_

_Dark: Anti it's late_

_Dark: I'm worried_

_Dark: Are you with Jackie?_

_Dark: He's going to hurt you so I need you to come home_

_Dark: Are you safe?_

_Dark: Come home_

Of course he had gotten it wrong. Dark didn't intend on being a monster; he just wanted to make sure Anti was a good person.

Anti shoved his phone into his back pocket and left the bedroom. He headed down the hall and reached out for the door handle of the front door but his name was called.

"I- I need to go." Anti muttered, hands gripping the metal. He hadn't realised how much he was shaking until Marvin placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Stay, please. We need to know you are safe."

"Dark didn't mean it. I know he didn't so I- I need to tell him I don't want to break up."

Marvin felt extremely sympathetic for the demon because, in that moment, he looked extremely vulnerable. His eyes were glazed over with tears and the bruise had turned a disgusting blue colour. His clothes were all creased too, since he had slept in them. "Anti, please come to the living room. We need to talk about this."

Anti's hand was still clutching the handle. "No, no we don't. I'm fine and I just need to see my boyfriend."

"You can see him later, okay? After we talk and you have some breakfast."

"Fine."

-

Anti was holding a mug of coffee and, surprisingly, it wasn't burning his hands. He was staring into it in silence until Jackieboy Man spoke up. "What happened last night?" Anti let out a soft sigh before starting to explain, his voice quivering as he did so.

_"Dark, I think we need to talk..." Anti had started, taking a seat next to Dark on the sofa. Dark raised an eyebrow but turned off the TV to give his boyfriend all of his attention. "I don't think... Can you... I don't know how to say this," He let out an extremely nervous laugh so Dark placed a hand on his thigh. To an outsider, it may have looked comforting but it just made Anti tense up._

_"Take your time." He had replied, voice its usual monotone._

_"Can you please tone down the shouting a bit? I really- I don't like it. I just think- think you aren't treating-"_

_"Anti," Dark sounded rather threatening so Anti snapped his mouth shut and didn't attempt to finish his sentence. His instinct was to get up and flee the room but he couldn't. Dark harshly grabbed his arm. "I don't like to shout but sometimes that's what you need. I am treating you perfectly. Sometimes I might be a bit harsh but you do need that. You can't expect a relationship to be all butterflies and rainbows. If you do, you're delirious."_

_"I know but sometimes you-" Dark slapped his boyfriend. Anti loudly cried out, a tear trailing down his cheek that was a deep red at that point. He had no idea why he thought confronting Dark would be a good idea. He should have just run whilst he still could._

_"Are you calling me a bad boyfriend?"_

_Anti's voice had completely disappeared so he rapidly shook his head. He was petrified as he struggled against Dark._

_"Coming from you, that's amusing. You're the bad boyfriend. I do everything for you. I let you move in here when the egos weren't accepting of us. I love you, even when you're annoying and... horrible like this. If anything, I should call you out for not treating me right." Dark shoved Anti backwards and he tripped over his own feet, falling to the floor. He landed awkwardly on his left arm and stiffly used his right hand to protect his face out of habit. "Move your hand."_

_"Please-" Anti gasped out. The fact that he was terrified was obvious in his voice but Dark didn't care about that._

_"Move your hand!" Anti obeyed and the first thing he saw was Dark's fist flying towards him. He yelped as it came in contact with his eye. "I don't want to hurt you, love. I just- you're hurting me and you need to stop. This is the only way you'll learn."_

_Anti nodded in false understanding. At that point, Dark had fed him so many lies that he was starting to believe them... maybe because they were better than the alternative that Dark hated him. He refused to ever think Dark just wanted to cause him pain. Dark slapped Anti a second time but the ring on his finger cut into his cheek a little that time. Red dripped down his face, mixing with the tears._

_"I'm sorry..."_

_"Are you really? Do you promise to never accuse me of being a bad boyfriend again?" Anti desperately nodded as Dark directed another punch towards his stomach. "Thank you. See, this is what a good boyfriend looks like. He listens to me." A good boyfriend was definitely not one who'd lay on the floor, a trembling mess as he took punches but Anti didn't know that. His and Dark's relationship was the only one he had known. Dark seemed a bit more composed as he took a step back and lowered his voice. "Do you have your phone with you?" Anti shook his head. "Where is it?"_

_"Bedroom... it's- it's on charge. Why?" Anti's question lingered in the air but Dark didn't answer it because he had left the room. He returned a minute or so later with Anti's phone in his hand._

_"Do you still talk to the others?"_

_"My friends, you mean?"_

_"They are not your friends. They hate you, remember? They didn't even care when you left them."_

_"I don't..."_

_"Just in case..." Dark threw the phone against the wall, eliciting a loud crack from the device. Anti's eyes widened and he watched in shock as he fell to the ground. "You can't talk to them anymore. They're going to hurt you and we can't have that, can we love?"_

_"B-But-"_

_"Anti, please."_

_"Okay."_

_"I'm going to bed, okay? I love you." Dark bent down to Anti's height and kissed his forehead gently._

_"Love you too." Then Dark left Anti on his own. He stayed on the floor for a while, just crying silently to himself because of the amount of pain he was experiencing. What gave him a slither of hope was his phone. It started to ring. He rushed (as fast as he could) towards it and picked it up but he had missed it. Jackieboy Man's name, along with 'one missed call' filled the screen._

_Did he really not care? Surely he wouldn't call if he didn't? He wouldn't come over every so often and ask how Anti was (as much as Dark had tried to hide that he came over, he heard them talking), would he?_

_Anti's only intention when he left the house so late was to get himself checked over. Every step made him wince and he just wanted to ensure he wasn't badly hurt. He wanted to go and see Henrik and get himself patched up. Then he'd return to his boyfriend and things would go back to normal... or Anti's corrupted version of normal._

Anti was crying as he finished recalling what had happened. Jackieboy Man had an arm wrapped around him but it wasn't enough to calm the demon down. "Can I see Darky now?" He looked and sounded like such a little kid as he stared into his friend's eyes. He was so oblivious of how wrong the situation was.

Marvin shook his head, folding his arms. "Not just yet. I'll have a chat with him first."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"This isn't right... he shouldn't have done this... Has he done it before?"

"Yeah?" Anti replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay... finish your coffee. Schneep should be home at around lunchtime and he'll have a look at your arm."

"Thank you." Marvin and Jackieboy Man then left the room. Anti didn't really know what to do with himself so he just... sat there. He stared into space, something that had become a habit at that point.


	4. Chapter 4

After about twenty minutes, his name was called by someone who sounded surprised. He turned his head to see Chase standing in the doorway, his face as bright as the sun. “I missed you so much, dude!” He was a tad bit too enthusiastic as he dived forward and wrapped his arms around the demon. Anti cried out, desperately pushing him away as pain spread through his arm. “What’s up? Did I make you jump? I’m sorry I can’t help myself sometimes.” He chuckled, almost sadly.

“Arm hurts...” Anti mumbled, making Chase’s eyes widen.

“Fuck, sorry. I didn’t realise. What happened?”

Anti shook his head slowly. Chase sunk down in the seat next to him, patting his shoulder. “You can talk to me about anything, man.”

“Please, Chase. I don’t want to.”

“Oh... okay.” Anti’s eyes filled with tears again, simply because Chase’s voice connoted feelings of hurt. He was worried he had upset his friend so he leaned towards him and laid his head on his shoulder. It was to show Chase that he did, indeed, trust him. He was just struggling to find the words to express everything that had happened.

“Darky got angry.”

“And he- fuck, did he do this?” Chase’s eyes were fixed on Anti’s black eye and the cuts on his cheek. Anti simply nodded. “That sucks, man. He doesn’t deserve you. This is not what a relationship should be like.”

“He just wanted to make me a better boyfriend...”

“That’s what Stacy said too, remember? You and the other guys helped me realise that wasn’t healthy.”

“This is different. He loves me, Chase.”

Chase sighed and shook his head. “That’s what I thought too. He doesn’t love you though. He is just manipulating you into thinking so.”

“He doesn’t love me?”

“Hey, how about we play with my Nerf guns for a bit? You can just play with your good arm but it could still be fun!”

“But, Cha-“

“I’ll go get the guns!” 

-

Chase was determined to make Anti laugh. He was the person who understood most what feelings came in conjunction with an unhealthy relationship and he knew the demon needed to relax. Chase was extremely overdramatic with his actions, faking a death when Anti shot him in the chest.

“I’m bleeding out!” He yelled, a hand over his ‘wound’. Anti was staring at him with raised eyebrows, as if to say ‘ _are you serious?_ ’. “Quick, get Schneep!” Anti giggled softly, moving the gun in his hand so that it was pressed against Chase’s head. “Have mercy!” Anti shot, laughing as Chase’s head fell to the side and his eyes closed. He even went as far as to stick his tongue out.

“Rest in peace... Chase Brody, the most average of bros.” Chase laughed along with Anti, opening his eyes again. Their laughter was cut off as they heard a door slam and then some yelling.

Chase reached forward and gripped Anti’s hand, aware of how much shouting could be a trigger. Anti’s body was already trembling and he hadn’t even figured out who it was yet. Then he realised what the person was shouting. “Let me see him! I didn’t mean to hurt him! Please, I need to see Anti!”

“Darky!” Anti yelled, pulling his hand out of Chase’s and standing up. He rushed into the hallway and practically tackled Dark with a one arm-ed hug. “I only left to- to make sure nothing was broken. They- They let me stay overnight.”

“Are you okay, love?”

“Henrik wasn’t even here so I don’t really know...”

“When’s he expected back?” Anti turned and looked at Chase who was staring at him with sad eyes.

“Probably lunch time?”

“Okay. We can stay here until then, right?”

“You aren’t taking him home.” Jackieboy Man said, folding his arms to provide evidence for his point.

“Why not? We’re together and if you can’t accept that-“

“You fucking hurt him, Dark! He deserves so much better.”

“Anti, what do you think?”

Remembering their conversation from the previous night, he was quick to respond. “I want Darky. I love him.”

Chase bit his lip, knowing exactly what it was like to be as naive as Anti. He had no idea what sort of manipulation was going on around him and he couldn’t bear to believe his boyfriend didn’t love him. It was going to take a lot of convincing and help to make Anti understand the relationship.


	5. Chapter 5

Chase handed Anti the Nerf gun again to resume where they had left off (but that time Chase was revived). Anti happily grabbed it with his right arm, standing up and getting in his battle stance. 

“Is that a Nerf gun?” Dark questioned, eyeing Anti’s movements closely.

“Yep. Wanna join?” The question came out through gritted teeth and it was obvious Chase wasn’t comfortable or happy with the other demon playing. He had simply asked to be polite, hoping Dark would refuse the offer.

“No. I just think it’s a bit ridiculous. You’re grown men, playing with toys marketed towards seven year olds. It’s pretty pathetic really.”

Anti glanced at the gun one more time before holding it out towards Chase. “You’re right.” He mumbled before giving up on the game and sitting next to his boyfriend instead.

“He is not right. This is an inclusive household where anyone can do anything... with a few exceptions... you can play with a Nerf gun if you want to Anti. Don’t listen to that- that- Dark.”

“I was- was only doing it because it made you happy. I never really wanted to play.” 

Chase muttered something as he walked out the room; anyone close-by would have made it out to be “bullshit.”

-

Henrik returned at exactly one o’clock. He walked in the door, letting out a tiny huff as he closed it. As he headed into the living room, he was surprised to see Anti and Dark cuddling on the sofa. “Gutan tag Anti und Dark! I didn’t expect to see you two today!” He said with a wide smile. He took off his doctor’s coat and laid it over one of the sofas.

“Can you do us a favour? Anti hurt his arm and we’d just like you to see if it was broken or anything.” Dark muttered, hating the German’s positive attitude. It made him want to constantly roll his eyes and groan.

“Of course. Follow me.” Anti and Dark followed the command and walked to the Henrik’s laboratory. Once inside, Anti took a seat and held out his arm for the doctor to examine. He felt it a little and Anti winced at every single touch, no matter how light. “I think we need to X-ray it but I’m almost ninety percent sure it’s broken.”

-

Anti came out of the laboratory with his arm in a cast. He seemed a lot happier and was using his right hand to hold onto Dark. They were both standing at the door, facing the rest of the egos. Chase looked immensely upset whilst the others just didn’t seem to know what to do. 

“Anti, you can come visit at any time.” Jackieboy Man whispered, secretly wanting to run forward and stop the demon from ever leaving.

“I know. Bye bye!”

Anti grinned and broke his hand away from Dark’s for a moment to wave. Then they were gone.

Chase immediately turned and rushed to his room, struggling to hold back tears. The others just watched the space where their friend had stood, wishing they could have prevented him from ever leaving. They wanted to protect the vulnerable demon for as long as they could.

-

“They wanted to take you away from me...” Dark mumbled. His head was hung over, making his dark hair fall over his red eyes. He almost looked vulnerable but Anti knew it was all just an act to convince Anti to stay, not that he needed much convincing anyway.

“I won’t let them.” Anti replied, sure of himself. As much pain as he had to endure, it was always worth it. He loved Dark. A lot. He felt like he’d do anything to ensure he and Dark stayed together, even if it meant he had to suffer.

“They hate me so much and I don’t understand why. We’re meant for each other and they can’t hate me forever.”

“They’ll come around... and if they don’t... we don’t have to see them again.”

“You mean that? You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, Darky. I’d do anything for you.” Anti meant it.

-

Anti was showering. He had just applied conditioner and was taking some time to think. The hot water ran down his back and tense muscles. He closed his eyes and took a breath. It was awkward showering with a cast on but it still felt relaxing. It was nice to get away.

He loved Dark with all his heart but sometimes he got a bit much. He was constantly tense and Anti felt like he couldn’t speak because any words just aggravated him. Anti was aware it was all with good intentions but it was exhausting. _Dark barely let him out of his sight_. He had such a short fuse and Anti felt like he was constantly skating on thin ice around him.

“Are you alright in there?” Dark yelled, knocking harshly on the door. Anti had no idea how long he had zoned out for but it must have been a while if it got Dark worried.

“Yeah!” Anti yelled back before beginning to wash his conditioner out. He let out a soft sigh as he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his body. He was glad all of the mirrors were steamed up because he didn’t want to have to look at his reflection: he knew it was just littered with bruises and other wounds. He continued to convince himself that the pain was for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

“Anti, what’s this?” Dark was pointing at a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Anti opened his mouth but Dark continued to speak in the same, overly calm tone. “I told you to clean them. Do they look clean to you?”

“No but- but-“ 

“You’re so useless! I asked you to do one thing!” Dark’s hand clutched at one of the plates and Anti eyed it cautiously. He wasn’t sure what Dark intended to do with it. Anti had a feeling he was about to throw it so he prepared himself to dive out of the way.

“I was about-“

“Stop with the excuses, Anti! You’re so pathetic and I honestly don’t understand why we’re together.”

“Because you love me and I love you?”

“Do I? You make it so fucking hard sometimes! You never do anything right and you’re always so annoying!”

“Dark, you-“

“Shut the fuck up! You’re just giving me more reasons to stop loving you. If you just shut up and did what you were told, we wouldn’t have these problems and I’d still love you.”

“Darky... you don’t love me anymore?” Anti’s voice was quivering as tears filled his eyes. He was desperate to feel love. Dark was the only person he felt loved him and he was afraid to lose him. Loneliness was petrifying for the demon who was used to constantly being around people, whether they were his old friends or his boyfriend.

“I do... you just make it so goddamn hard.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just shut up!” The plate went flying through the air, smashing against the wall. It would have hit Anti if he hadn’t ducked with miraculous timing. The pieces scattered all over the tiled floor, right by his feet. His legs resembled jelly as he watched Dark’s hands clench into fists and his eyes darken. “Sometimes I think it would be easier if I left you. It would be so much easier. I wouldn’t have to shout at anyone... I wouldn’t have anyone to bring me down... I wouldn’t ever be angered by you again... So much easier.”

“Please don’t leave me, Darky. I- I need you...”

“I know... Clean this up. I’m going out.” Anti watched with teary eyes as Dark turned and left, sending Anti a disappointed look as he did so. Anti carefully avoided the glass as he searched for something to clean it up. His body was numb and each movement felt robotic as he got rid of the mess.

-

Dark wasn’t home the next morning. Anti woke up to a cold, empty bed and, despite how many times he called his name, his boyfriend didn’t appear. He skipped breakfast because he felt nauseous. He didn’t know where Dark had gone. For all he knew, he could be absolutely _anywhere_. Anti secretly hoped he was taking his fury out on something because then maybe he wouldn’t be so angry when he returned... _if_ he returned.

With shaky hands, Anti selected Jackieboy Man’s contact on his phone. He held the phone against his ear as it rang. “J-Jackie...” He whispered.

“Anti... is everything okay? I can come to you if you need.” Jackieboy Man sounded desperate and afraid and Anti didn’t quite understand why. (It was because he was afraid Dark had hurt him and maybe gone too far.)

“Dark went out last night after... an argument and he hasn’t come back? What if he never comes back?”

“Hey, hey... he will come back. Where are you?”

“At Dark’s...”

“I’m coming over... stay on the line.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jackieboy Man was a great friend to Anti. He got to Dark’s in record time (probably speeding a few times on the way there but speeding limits didn’t matter to him when there was a crisis). He immediately made Anti a cup of coffee and put on one of his favourite movies (Guardians of the Galaxy if you were wondering). They sat on the sofa together and Jackieboy Man let Anti lean on him. Anti didn’t want to talk about the ‘argument’ so Jackieboy Man didn’t push it.

“Who’s your favourite character?” Jackieboy Man asked to ensure Anti was distracted.

“I like Rocket. Raccoons are just adorable, aren’t they?”

“Yeah... but you have to love Groot.”

“I am Groot!” Jackieboy Man chuckled as he did the impression, eliciting a soft laugh from Anti too. Anti opened his mouth to do another impression but the sound of the door opening filled the house. Anti immediately tensed up and shoved his friend away.

“Anti?” Dark called out but his expression hardened once he saw Anti’s company. “What’s he doing here?”

“You weren’t here and I was scared you- you wouldn’t come back.”

Dark rolled his eyes before muttering, “Jackie, can you please leave.”

“No,” The superhero stood up, placing his hand on his hips. He was going to do his best to stand his ground (as well as Anti’s) because he wanted the demon to be safe. Dark should have known that controlling and hurting someone was a terrible thing to do. Jackieboy Man wouldn’t let his friend’s suffering to continue any longer. “You can’t just leave him like that and not come home.”

“Would you rather I had stayed and taken my anger out on him? Used him as a punching bag?”

“Would that be any different to usual? You treat him like shit and I know it. You don’t deserve him.”

“You don’t understand us. Get out before I personally kick you out.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Do you want a bet?” Dark approached Jackieboy Man and grabbed him by the collar of his suit. He then proceeded to drag him over to the door. He very literally threw him out of the house. Jackieboy Man struggled as much as he could but the demon was so much stronger than him so it was all to no avail.

Anti gulped as Dark returned, eyes squinted and arms folded against his chest. “Are you cheating on me?” He murmured just about loud enough for Anti to hear it.

“No- No-“

“Why are you so _obsessed_ with Jackie, huh?”

“I’m not, Darky-“

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Anti furiously shook his head, practically begging Dark to stop with the look in his eyes. “I wish I chose not to come home...” Anti stood up and leaned forward to pull Dark closer but Dark pushed him backwards. Anti stumbled back with a small cry. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Darky, it was nothing!”

“Stop calling me that! It’s so whiny and annoying. It makes you sound like a little kid.” 

“Don’t leave me... I need you!”

Dark grabbed Anti by the collar of his shirt and pushed him into the wall. He brought his face right up to Anti’s so that he could feel his warm breath on his cheek. “Of course you do because you’re weak. Why did I ever put up with you? I should have left so much sooner.”

“Please! Please don’t go!” Anti was screaming, his entire body violently glitching. Dark huffed and chuckled a little at his desperation.

“You aren’t meant to talk to Jackie or any of the other egos. You know what they think of me.”

“I was scared and needed someone! You weren’t there for me.”

“You’re just constantly in need of attention. So demanding...”

“Darky-“

“I told you to stop calling me that! You’re a grown man for fuck’s sake!” Dark’s hands snaked around Anti’s pale neck, making Anti struggle against his grip. “Give me one reason not to break up with you right now.”

“I- I love you!” Anti choked out, hands desperately clawing at Dark’s as his grip tightened and began to prevent Anti from breathing.

“How adorable... Anti’s in love. Maybe I could even take this one step further and kill you. Then I’d be the last thing you saw. You’d want that, wouldn’t you? To spend your last moments with your boyfriend who has put up with your shit for too long.”

“Please...” Anti was beginning to get extremely lightheaded and Dark had obviously noticed because he removed his hands and pushed Anti away again. Anti lost his footing and fell to the ground, hitting his head on the table in the process. His eyes shut as he tumbled to the floor. 

“Anti?” Dark muttered, bending down to have a closer look at his unconscious boyfriend. “Anti! Wake up!” Anti didn’t even stir. “Shit... shit, shit, shit!” Anti’s phone was in his front pocket so Dark grabbed it and unlocked it. He paused for a second to look at the wallpaper because it was a photo of him and Anti together, looking happier than they had been in a while. It was taken before Dark had changed into the monster he was at that moment. He opened up Anti’s contacts and found Henrik’s as soon as he could.

“Pick up!” He yelled at the phone but obviously it didn’t make Henrik pick up any quicker. It rung out. He then went to the next best person, Jackieboy Man. Dark’s logic was that he must know a little about first aid since he was a hero and got hurt for a living. Luckily, he picked up on the fourth ring.

“Are you alright Anti? Did Dark-“ Jackieboy Man had started, worry making his voice shake. Whenever he received a call from Anti, his heart beat a little faster. He was continuously waiting for the day that Dark took it too far.

“Jackie, I- fuck. Is Henrik with you?”

“No... He had to go out again... He’s a very busy man, you know... he can’t just come to you on command every time you hurt Anti. Why do you have Anti’s phone anyway?”

“Anti needs a doctor and I can’t take him to the hospital.”

“What the fuck did you do this time?”

“Arguing isn’t going to help him wake up!”

“He’s unconscious?”

“Yes!”

“I’m on my way. You keep trying Henrik.”

“Okay, just hurry.”

-

On around the seventh call, Dark finally got through to Henrik. The doctor was annoyed that Dark had interrupted ‘a very important meeting’ but once he was informed about Anti, he rushed to the demon as soon as he could.

His first response to the sight was a swear word in German. Anti was paler than a ghost and he was still knocked out cold, despite a lot of time having passed. 

One thought passed through everyone’s minds when they saw him. He looked _dead_. Ironically, he appeared peaceful too. It was when he was asleep that he was at his most relaxed and that just made everyone (with the exception of Dark) hurt.

Jackieboy Man felt guilty that he couldn’t have gotten to the demon sooner, before his boyfriend had almost killed him. Henrik was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to offer a sufficient amount of help to keep the demon alive. Dark was in shock, conflicted over what exactly he wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

Anti woke up a few days later but he was groggy. He was slow to sit up and he squinted as he looked around the bright room. After being asleep for so long, the vibrant lights made his eyes burn and he had to keep blinking until his eyes finally adjusted. Dark was sitting beside him, his aura dancing around him but it was light and barely there, a sign of distress. The darker his aura, the more confident the demon was. It wasn’t exactly often people saw it so _faded_. Anti felt some sort of pressure on his hands and, when he glanced down, he noticed Dark had his hand on his. “Dark?” Anti croaked out, his voice hoarse due to disuse.

“Anti, I’m so glad you’re awake! I was so worried...” Dark whispered, refusing to look at the bandage that was wrapped around Anti’s head. 

“You were..? What- What happened?”

“It was me. I pushed you and you hit your head...”

“You did this?” Anti’s hand slowly felt the soft bandage, wincing as he did so.

“Yes and I’m so sorry. You don’t ever need to forgive me because I took it too far. I treated you like shit and you almost died because of me. I don’t- I don’t think we should see each other anymore...”

“No, no... Darky, please don’t do this... I- I need you.”  
Dark shook his head slowly, his fringe falling over his dark eyes. “You don’t need me. You’re better off without me.”

“I’m not. I’m sorry for whatever I did. Please don’t go.” Anti reached out and gripped Dark’s collar, pulling the demon forward. He connected their lips briefly but Dark pushed him back.

“You didn’t do anything, love. It was me... You’re better off without me. Trust me, in the future you’ll realise this is the right decision.” Tears streamed down Anti’s cheeks as Dark left the room and Anti saw him for possibly the last time.

-

The day after Anti was put on bed rest, a letter was posted through the door of Jack’s ego’s house. JJ was the first to find it but he didn’t read it because Anti’s name was on the envelope. He respected his friend’s privacy so he brought it to the demon who was fast asleep at the time and left it on his bedside table.

When Anti woke up, Chase was at his side. Anti smiled at his friend but that didn’t take away the empty ache in his heart. “There’s a letter for you.” Chase mumbled, picking up the envelope and holding it out for Anti to take.

“Can you read it to me? I’ve got a headache.”

“Are you sure? It’s probably private and-“

“Please, Chase...”

“Okay.” Chase tore open the envelope and took out the paper inside. “ _Anti,_

_I’m sorry for everything I did to you. It was all so wrong of me. I loved you and I was scared to lose you. Nothing is a good enough excuse for what I did to you. Nothing._

_Sometimes I struggle to feel things. I feel empty and the only emotions I really feel are negative. It sucks but, again, not a valid excuse for what I did. This is just what my type of demon is like. I hate it but I guess hatred is one of the only things I can feel..._

_When I met you, it was love at first sight. You were the first person I ever felt love towards. I didn’t even feel any love towards my friends and so I pushed them all away. I wish I hadn’t because maybe then they’d have been able to talk some sense into me. Maybe if I let them, they’d be able to teach me to feel positive emotions. I can’t believe I did this and let it go this far._

_Breaking up with you was the best thing I could do for both of us and one day you will understand that. What I did to you was wrong... so wrong. No one should ever treat you like that. You’re such a beautiful, amazing and adorable human being and I have to say you’re so strong. You aren’t weak or pathetic, I promise you that._

_The reason I’m doing this is to set you free. If I’m not in the picture... you won’t have to worry about me anymore. You won’t ever have to see me again. I know that might sound scary and upsetting right now but, in the future, you’ll appreciate my decision. You’re the only one who’s getting a letter by the way because you’re the only one who cares._ Shit,” Chase looked up from the letter, his eyes wide. “Letters for what...”

“Chase, what if- what if he means...”

“He can’t... I don’t think-“

“I need to see him!” Anti pushed the covers off of himself and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His eyes were wide and filled with panic, his hands shaking so much that they were almost blurry. His eyes were scrunched shut as he moved because his head was pounding and every movement caused another wave of pain.

“No, no, no,” Chase placed a gentle hand on Anti’s chest and pushed him back. “You aren’t in a fit state, dude. I’ll go and take Schneep with me. If anything has happened to him, Schneep will be able to help him.”

“But he’s-“

“I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on. Don’t worry too much. I’m sure he’s okay.” Anti could only hope.


	9. Chapter 9

Chase and Henrik were too late. When they got to Dark’s apartment, they burst in the door without bothering to knock, yelling the demon’s name. They both ran around the house when the only response was silence until Chase found him, unconscious on the bathroom floor. He screamed for Henrik before covering his mouth with his hands in shock. Henrik rushed towards his body, placing two fingers on his neck to feel for a pulse. Nothing. He was cold.

“Shit.” Chase muttered, backing up as Henrik sent him a sad look. He was in utter disbelief because never once in his life had he thought he’d find a man dead on the floor of his own bathroom. If anything, he had thought he’d be the one dead.

“He’s been here a while... he’s cold.”

“I need to talk to Anti...” As much as Chase had detested Dark, he still felt a sob arise in his throat. It wasn’t a pleasant sight, whether you liked the person when they had lived or not. Chase pulled out his phone and called the demon, nervously tapping his feet as it rang. When Anti picked up, Chase’s breath hitched and the news was on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news but Anti was the main person who deserved to know.

“What happened? Is he okay? Did he do anything? Is Schneep looking after him?” All of Anti’s questions rushed out of him, desperate. Chase felt nauseous. He was aware of how much Anti loved Dark, despite everything he had ever done to torture him and so he knew Anti would be grief-stricken and distraught when he found out what had happened.

“He overdosed by the look of it. We couldn’t- couldn’t do anything... He had no pulse when we got- got here.” Chase was crying as he spoke but the sobs just picked up when he heard Anti’s reply.

“No... no, no, no. You’re lying to me. He- He’s fine!”

“I’m so sorry. I’m going to come home. Schneep knows what to do...”

-

Anti numbly moved over to make space for Chase. The man squished onto the bed alongside the demon and wrapped an arm tightly around him. Anti cried into his shoulder and shakily requested Chase finished the letter. He felt so _empty_ and _alone_ without Dark by his side. For so long he had seen the demon every single day and he had pretty much adapted his life to fit Dark’s. They might as well have been joint at the hip for how much time they had spent together. Anti hated being hurt and degraded so many times but he missed having someone to spend time with and love him.

He liked not sleeping alone. He liked having someone to talk to about random things like video games. He liked just having someone there. His thoughts were cut off as Chase began to read the rest of the letter out.

“ _You have always meant the world to me, I hope you know that. Ever since I laid eyes on you for the first time, I knew I wanted you. You and your adorable green hair and your eccentric personality... For a while I felt something positive around you but eventually it wasn’t enough anymore. I fell into the negative spiral again and I was scared to lose what I loved so I hurt them. I hurt you to scare you into staying with me. I’m sorry. Again, not an excuse. I’m just trying to give you some reasoning so you believe me now when I say you are not pathetic, weak, selfish, attention-seeking or whatever else I ever listed. You are actually the most perfect being I have ever met. I really wish I never put you down. You didn’t deserve that._

_You deserve someone who can make you happy and satisfied. I’m simply not that. I’m not enough for you and I know that. Nothing anyone will ever say will convince me otherwise because it’s true. I really did love you, Anti. I swear I did. I wish things could have been different and all I can hope now is that you find someone better for you._

_By the time you read this, it will be too late for anyone to save me. I’m going to make sure of that. You may think that you want me to be alive and you want me back but that isn’t what you truly want. If you actually listened to your heart, you’d understand that this is what you need. You need me gone and completely out of reach so you can heal properly._

_I hope you recover quickly and well. I trust you will since you have always been a strong demon. By the time you get this... I’ll be gone. I’ll be completely out of your life which is for the best. I know I have given you absolutely no reasons to trust me at this point but please, if you ever trusted anything I have ever said, trust that this is for the best._

_I love you, Anti. So much. I’m never going to be able to apologise enough but still, I’m so sorry. For everything._

_Goodbye._

_Darky._ ”

“He fucking- he put Darky...” Anti wailed, his voice muffled by Chase’s shirt. “He told me he hated it.” Anti reached out and took the letter from Chase’s grip. He didn’t read it, he just hugged it tight because it was the last thing Dark had written before he left.

“It’s a cute name.” Chase didn’t dare raise his voice any higher than a whisper because the demon was extremely vulnerable. He smiled sympathetically as Anti hugged the letter against his chest like it was his most prized possession. 

“I thought so too but he said it was too childish.”

“So? What’s wrong with being childish?” Anti opened his mouth but shut it when he couldn’t find an answer. “Exactly.”


	10. Chapter 10

It was hard. So hard. Dark’s funeral was harrowing for Anti and slightly for Chase too but he held it together for the sake of his friend. Mark’s egos had shown up and cried about how they never saw the demon and wished they had tried harder with the friendship. 

Anti had screamed at all of Jack’s egos after the funeral. Chase was sobbing and everyone else was tearing up like they had been Dark’s best friends.

“You hated him!” Anti had screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks as he glared at his friends. “You don’t deserve to be crying at all. You should be glad he’s gone. You never wanted me to be with him and you hated us! You shouldn’t even be here! Just me because I was the only person who ever cared about him! I loved him and I was the only person who did.” Anti’s hands balled into fists and he weakly hit them against Jackieboy Man’s chest. “He should still be here and maybe he would be if you never came over that day he hurt me.”

Jackieboy Man hushed the sobbing demon and wrapped him in a warm embrace. Anti struggled for a moment until his anger morphed into pure sadness. He then just cried into the superhero’s shoulder until he calmed down a while later.

-

Anti stayed in his bedroom for a large portion of time. Chase and Marvin had kindly gotten some of Anti’s possessions from where he had lived with Dark so at least he could mourn and cry in his own clothes. It was a week or so after the funeral that Anti found one of Dark’s old shirts amongst his own. He hadn’t taken it off since. He was convinced that it smelt like him so he refused to take it off in case the smell vanished. 

He sat on his bed, wearing Dark’s shirt that hung off of his frame (because Anti was generally smaller), hugging his knees with one arm and using the other to scroll through the photos of him and Dark on his phone. He looked so happy... even when his face was covered in cuts and bruises. 

But he didn’t miss it. Not much anyway. A tiny part of him missed Dark but mostly for the love that he did occasionally receive. Now, when he needed comfort, he’d seek out one of his friends. Chase was the best at making him laugh and Jackie was the best person for cuddles. Marvin could put on a magic show to make him smile, usually conjuring up a rabbit for Anti to cuddle the entire time. JJ was silent but he was the best listener of the group so, if Anti ever needed to vent about the things bottling up inside his chest, JJ was the person he’d go to. Henrik was there to recommend healing methods, even psychological ones. He helped Anti learn more coping mechanisms for the times when he needed to take out anger on something or when he just wanted to cry until his body ran out of tears to cry.

He definitely didn’t miss the physical pain. He didn’t miss waking up in the morning to unbearable aching and having to see how many bruises littered his body. He didn’t miss being constantly afraid of upsetting his boyfriend. He didn’t miss not being allowed to see his friends.

It took him a long time to understand that what Dark had done was wrong. Chase was the one who usually sat down with him and talked about his experiences with an abusive ex-girlfriend. For the first few times, Anti insisted that “Dark was different” but each time he sounded a bit more unsure... until one day he understood.

Realisation hit him hard. It was like a tsunami, hitting him hard and knocking him off of his feet. It broke a dam inside Anti as tears endlessly poured down his cheeks. Chase stayed silent as he offered him some well needed comfort. It was then that Chase suggested therapy. Henrik had mentioned it a few times but Anti had always pushed the idea away, insisting he would be okay and didn’t need any help. He thought his friends would be enough but, as great as they were, none of them were professional counsellors. They weren’t entirely sure about how they could help heal the emotional wounds Anti had. They tried their best but that wasn’t always enough.  
It was a few weeks since Dark had passed away that Chase mentioned it. The realisation was a heavy weight on Anti’s shoulders so therapy finally seemed like a good idea to the demon. He promised to go and Chase took him every time, waiting outside. When Anti left the room to see Chase sitting in the waiting room, he’d hug him tightly. He thanked his friend but no amount of ‘thank you’s would ever be a sufficient amount to the demon. 

He thanked the others every time they cheered him up too. They always said there wasn’t a problem and they were glad to be able to help but Anti always felt the need to express his gratitude. He probably wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for his friends. Certainly, if it wasn’t for Henrik, he would have died the day he fell and hit his head. 

It took a long time for Anti to open up but eventually he did. Things got better from then onwards. His mood did wobble occasionally and he’d have bad days but things improved overall.


	11. Epilogue

“Chase...” Anti said as he walked towards his friend. Chase wasn’t really paying much attention, staring into space in his own world. Anti chuckled at how adorable he was before tapping his shoulder. Chase flinched and turned around, his eyes widening as he noticed Anti waving his hand in his face. 

“How’d it go, dude?” Chase asked with a small smile on his face.

“It was good! I have some news though...” 

Chase’s smile faltered. “Good or bad news?”

“Good but the others need to be there when I tell you.”

“Okay... is everything alright?”

“Of course!” Anti grinned widely and it was a million times more genuine than his old smiles.

-

“I have some good news to tell you all...” Anti mumbled, running one of his hands through his fringe. It was no longer green, instead its natural brown. The other egos had thought the change was weird for a while but the colour eventually grew on them. “Today was my last day of therapy.” As he said it, everyone got onto their feet and sent him wide grins.

Soon enough, he was enveloped in a giant hug from all of his friends. Anti was tearing up as they all recited about how proud they were of him. Chase was the proudest though.

When the others left the room, Chase stayed. His eyes were sparkling with pride as he remembered just how far Anti had come. He had been through something similar so he knew just how hard it was to get better. Chase reached out and wrapped Anti into another embrace.

“You’re so strong, dude. You have come so far...” He whispered, burying his head into Anti’s neck. Anti’s cheeks tinted pink as Chase rubbed his back gently. “Just think about where you were at the start of all this and how different you are now...”

“I know... I wouldn’t have done it without you. You’re the best...”

“Better than Marvin? Jackie? Schneep? Jameson?”

“Don’t tell them!” Anti laughed and it was genuine. It was actually genuine and that was a huge improvement from where he had been at the beginning of everything.

-

Anti was sorting through his wardrobe. He had a pile of shirts on his left that he wanted to throw away and another pile on his right that he wanted to keep. He reached for the final shirt that was right at the back of the wardrobe, pulling it out and examining it. It was Dark’s. Specifically, it was the one that Anti had constantly worn after Dark passed away.

He took a moment to hug it, remembering what he had once had. “Hey, we’re just about to-“ Someone had said. Anti rapidly turned around, seeing Chase standing in his doorway. “Is that Dark’s?” He asked, recognising the design. Anti nodded, and threw it into the trash pile. “Are you going to keep it?”

“No. It needs to go,” Chase smiled softly at the demon, nodding in understanding. “I don’t miss him as much anymore, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought he was the only person who’d ever love me but now I know people all around me love me... It was like he had hypnotised me into not realising that, if that makes sense?”

Chase hummed in response. “It makes sense.” Anti looked over at his friend with teary eyes and, as soon as Chase noticed the tears, he moved closer and sat down beside Anti. “Don’t cry...” He whispered, wrapping an arm around Anti’s slim frame.

“I can’t help it...” Anti leaned into Chase’s shoulder and let out a soft sob. “I’m just so proud of myself.”

“You should be...” Silence lapsed in the room but it was comfortable. Chase just rubbed Anti’s back as he cried into his shirt. Eventually, Chase spoke up, “I love you, Anti.”

“I love you too, Chase.”


End file.
